chette.com

Uzzap is Smart Communications’ answer to Globe’s now defunct IM Evrywhr. It is an instant messenger that you can run on your mobile phone.

Smart, however, was wise enough to include that one feature which will guarantee at least a couple of days traffic overload: Yahoo Messenger. Yes, ladies & gentlemen, it can hook up with your Yahoo Messenger account, the one IM that we Filipinos can’t seem to do without.

It also has built-in chatrooms, and can integrate with your MSN messenger account.

Uzzap also has a PC client, which enables you to use it from your PC. Why you would use the PC client when your computer already has a bloated Yahoo Messenger client is beyond me. But it’s there, available for download, just in case you suddenly start growing fond of your Uzzap ID, you weirdo you.

There is something amazing with Uzzap that you usually don’t find in other mobile messengers: SMS integration.

You can set up your Uzzap account so that all offline messages sent to your Uzzap ID are automatically forwarded to your mobile phone via SMS.

(Take note that I said Uzzap ID, not your Yahoo or MSN ID. Anything sent to your Yahoo or MSN ID while you are offline is Yahoo’s and Microsoft’s business. Commenters, you have been warned.)

Charges

Uzzap is free for the time being. This means no internet charges until further notice.

So go ahead and chat all you want, grab all the text mates you can find, and do us a favor and refrain from using text spelling.

Uzzap mo me?

Download

You can download the Uzzap app from the Uzzap website. The best way to download it, however, is by sending a text message with the word UZZAP to 7272. This will automatically send you the download link to your phone.

This is a free download, and be thankful it is, because it is a whopping 915 kb file.

After installing the file, go to your list of apps, and click on the blurriest icon that you see. Now you’re ready to start Uzzaping.

Connect to your Yahoo & MSN accounts

To use Yahoo or MSN Messenger on Uzzap, go to the menu. Click on Instant Messaging (the one with the IM icon). Select Connect to Yahoo or Connect to MSN, enter your account details, and save. Your contacts should automatically be loaded into Uzzap.

Interface

If you’re having a hard time navigating your way around Uzzap, don’t fret: You are not alone.

To put it mildly, Uzzap is not the most user friendly app. It has redundant icons, an overload of textual instructions, menus in all the wrong places, and insists on using your last saved network connection (despite repeated attempts on setting it on manual).

But it’s Yahoo IM and SMS integration is enough to stifle the screams of frustration. Or at least for the time being.

We have Smart Communications, Globe Telecom, and Sun Cellular. Yesterday, a little mosquito told me that a 4th GSM mobile operator is going to be rolled out in a few months here in the Philippines. Clue: It starts with the letter “C.”

No, that doesn’t stand for Chette. Although it will the greatest thing on the planet if it does. My name, after all, is ubercool. So cool that even my brothers mispronounce it.

After this post has reached far more readership than I have imagined, guilt took over. I have decided to calm down, & take Globe Telecom’s IMEvrywhr for another test drive.

Fourteenth time’s a charm: I was able to login & actually used it for a few weeks. This is an attempt to provide a less scathing review of an article which has, unfortunately, reached the #1 rank in Google for the key phrase “globe imevrywhr” (or at least as of this writing).

The IM feature meets the minimum requirements – it does allow you to send instant messages to your IMEvrywhr buddies. It also enables you to send photos for free, & integrates your phone’s camera in the menu system. You could also set status (invisible, busy, etc.), buy IM usage credits, & apparently update the software from the menu.

After writing that paragraph, I am now at lost for words. This is the main problem with IMEvrywhr. Try as we might to give a glowing review & make it sound like the most amazing thing since sliced pichi pichi, it’s just very hard to say a lot of good things about it.

• It doesn’t connect with the IM servers of Yahoo, MSN, AIM, etc. It is limited to your IM buddies within the Globe network.
• You cannot search for buddies. The only way you can add a friend is if you actually know their usernames.
• The user interface leaves much to be desired. You cannot even distinguish what you’ve typed from your buddies’, except for that teeny weeny arrow icon beside the text.

To its credit, IMEvrywhr implemented a clever ploy to make you buy additional IM usage: It sends you an SMS whenever you receive an offline message. Whether or not the message you received is actually from you buddy or just a system from Globe, I have yet to find out.

IMEvrywhr tried to compensate by putting an influx of “features” that has nothing to do with instant messaging:

• Address book. Basically just your contacts on your phone.
• SMS. Allows you to read your SMS from IMEvrywhr, so you don’t have to exit the client.
• G-Cash & Share-A-Load menu. Cash & load is something that gets passed around frequently among friends. I think this will be useful in the future, but will probably make more sense if integrated with instant messaging.
• AskG. Allow me not to tone down the sarcasm on this one. AskG is an amazing service for people who like asking idiots for directions. By the way, you will not get a warning that VAS rates apply whenever you use this.

Curiously enough, despite its heavy promotion on the instant messaging features, it seems Globe meant it to be more than that — as a desktop replacement to your phone’s standard start page or screensaver. It is meant to be always on, & the integration with the address book & message inbox is proof of that.

Of course there’s basically nothing wrong with this strategy — but only if we were not presented with such a half-baked IM client. Which we were.

IMEvrywhr is far more cluttered than one would expect from an instant messenger. It is reminiscent of the portal mentality of the year 2000, when all we wanted was an apple, & they keep on giving us a frickin’ tree.

Unfortunately, to anyone who subscribe to Web 2.0’s “simplicity rocks” mentality, IMEvrywhr won’t cut it.

To its benefit, the user interface does fit perfectly with the boring & antiquated corporate image that we consumers have associated with a company like Globe Telecom.

IMEvrywhr has its promises — unfortunately, the instant messaging feature isn’t it.

Installed Jaiku Mobile Beta, played with the menu in the order that made sense to me, and basically felt I would rather do my calculus.

For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out how to post Jaiku messages, or read my contact’s posts for that matter. There is something called “Presence,” the mystery of which I have yet to resolve.

Most of the functionalities seem to revolve around location-based services (GPS, locating friends “near” you, etc.). Take a peep at your coordinates, and I won’t be surprised if it scares the hell out of you. Someone need to assure me that these coordinates are not sent automatically to Jaiku.

In fairness, I didn’t read the user manual (C’mon, would you?) And, this is in Beta. Hopefully some sense come out of it in the final release.

They do have a kick-ass website. There is still hope.

By the way, in case your interested, which you’re probably not since I’m as interesting as a taco shell, my jaiku username is chette.

Smart Communications launched Smart Decode yesterday. Although it’s probably going to be used for a bunch useless promotions (Ringbacks? Seriously?), I just realized that this is actually The Solution to all the senseless typing of VAS (“value added services”) commands.

Let me give you an idea:

“Type DUMMYKEYWORD space REGISTER space your FIRST NAME space YOUR LAST NAME space asterisk space YOUR ADDRESS space asterisk YOUR LANDLINE space asterisk, and send this to 999.”

Sounds familiar, no? Of course it does. This is the language that we Earthlings have learned from Pluto. Coincidentally, this is the same language that content partners decided to use in order to confuse, er, help users in using their SMS-based mobile services.

Need to download a wallpaper?
Type DUMMYWALLPAPER space PHONE MODEL space WALLPAPER NAME, shake it to the left, jump ten times, and send to 999.

With Smart Decode, this insanity will pretty much be eradicated. The content partner will simply generate a code (which can be printed in their posters, fliers, and print ads).

When you, The User, see this code, all you have to do is take its picture using your phone’s camera. Almost instantaneously you will be presented with a nice interface where you can fill in forms, download your operator logo, etc. — all in human readable form.

The code is called an mcode (“mobile code”). It’s a 2D barcode which stores information in a bunch of dots.

But ooh-la-la, mcode is not just for those boring content partners who can’t seem to make a decent mobile application. We regular users, The Much Cooler Ones, can have a little fun of our own:

• Contact information. Definitely a lot more hip than sending a vcard thru bluetooth. Make your friends take a picture of your mcode (which you conveniently printed out & kept in your wallet). Voila! Your contact info will automatically be saved in their address books.
• SMS message. You can have an mcode to generate a specific SMS message. You can also have it sent to a predefined number.
• URLs. Your mcode can contain the URL of your website. When your friends scan it, they will be shown a link (which they can click to launch your website in their phone’s browser).
• Phone numbers. You can scan an mcode to automatically dial a specified phone number.

“Naku, kailangan ko tawagan si Procopio! Ano nga ba ang number nya?”
“Ito o. I-decode mo na lang!”

(And that, ladies & gentlemen, is the reason why no ad agency was stupid enough to hire me as a copywriter.)

In order to scan an mcode, you need to download & install Smart Decode (don’t worry, you won’t get charged for the download). Using your phone’s browser, go to decode.smart.com.ph. Click on the link on the website to install the software automatically (no need to mess around with those jar and sis files).

Take note that you need to use your Smart cellphone to download Decode. You cannot download the application using a Globe or Sun SIM, or even your good ol’ DSL connection.

Some observations on Smart’s credit (give two points for Smart over here!):

• The application loads real fast even on a crappy Nokia 6600.
• It takes an average of 2 seconds for the software to “decode” the mcode.
• You can actually scan the mcode even if its tilted (it will just take a little longer to scan it).

There’s something missing in the equation, though (gimme back those points, dear): The ability for users to create their own codes.

C’mon, Smart, share the love. Help us look cool with those mcodes in our pockets.

Let’s try it out

I was able to generate my own mcodes only because I was a resourceful & nice little girl. Try it out below:

Check your Smart prepaid balance.

The chette.com URL

This is the most popular SMS I receive on my phone

Wow! Ang galing mo na mag-decode!

My contact info (goodbye vcard!)

Laugh out loud