Solo Parenting

I immediately felt the effects of being a widow.

The simplest things would rip my heart into pieces:

  • Checking “widow” for the first time when I had to state my civil status
  • Writing only my name beside “From” when giving gifts
  • Being the one to drive the car while someone else would sit & play with the baby
  • Wanting to try out a new restaurant and having noone to go with you

The realization and the heartache was (and still is) a real physical pain.

It took me a long time to take control of my health & finances — two things I’ve identified as critical for our survival.


Health just recently became a challenge. For some reason, ever since Jim passed away, my lupus would flare up sporadically. And since I have been in remission for such a long time, I had to relearn what to do.


Getting a grip on our finances was hard. We are now living on a single income. And as far as I’m aware, there is no financial help coming from either my family or my late husband’s family.

I immediately divided our remaining savings between mutual funds and high yield time deposits. I decided to live on my employment salary alone, which does not amount to much for our day-to-day needs.

I decided to start budgeting every peso I receive. Gabby came first on all things — food, clothing, and comfort. I stopped buying anything for myself. I cancelled all planned vacations, and decided to make do with whatever is affordable (i.e., malls). I stopped buying clothes for myself. I started eating whatever is remotely edible in the cafeteria.

Big decisions I’m seriously contemplating on:

  1. Whether or not to sell our condo
  2. If we need to move somewhere where there will either be more income opportunities, or less cost of living

It still feels weird handling all these alone. But I’m getting there.

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